“Goofy’s Golden Gavel”

Among our species’ most puzzling and haunting mysteries, right up there with the meaning of life, the secret of bumble bee flight (there’s no aerodynamic reason) and why men leave up toilet seats (gravity defiance?), is one purely attributable to the late Walt Disney. I’ve heard it since First Grade.

“If Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck and Pluto is a dog — what — and who — is Goofy?”


Unlike a dog – he stands on two feet — wears human clothing — and talks.

That voice has seemed suspiciously familiar all along — his curious, stuttering cadence — those blurry eyes — such great big hands — and what a stunned look of blank amazement at — almost everything.

The giant gavel John Boehner so proudly pounded as he became our new Speaker of the House was made to certain specifications in Middletown, Ohio, part of John’s home district. One suspects the exact design was primarily to assure all assembled that Speaker Boehner’s gavel was much, much, much bigger than his predecessor’s — approximately the size of a small fire hydrant — possibly reflecting Boehner’s panting embracement of “trickle down” theory with typical dog-like loyalty.

In certain circles, size still counts. So does chromatic hue. Though made of wood, John’s gavel, flashing under the pulsing, strobe-like illumination of cameras by the score, started to glitter like gold. And well it should. There’s money up on that there Hill.

Saddle up, boys!

Look! Loot! Lots! Loads!

Only the night before John’s big day, our own new Congressman from California’s “Gold Country”, Jeff Denham (almost — he wasn’t sworn in yet — that’s just a detail) threw one heck of a “You Can Buy and Pay Me Some More” Party at one of the coolest spots in town. Representative Denham, having campaigned on a message of austerity and budget cuts, charged $2,500 a person (or $50,000 a table) at Washington’s posh “W” Hotel for a no holds barred, shake ’em on down fund raiser headlining LeAnn Rimes, fresh from a confessed extramarital affair and her recent Christmas Pageant appearance with a gay choir in a “Sexy Santa” outfit. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Santa’s always been fashionable. Attendance was wall to wall. In fact, before even being elected, Jeff has become a fundraising kingpin for fellow freshmen members, planning at least four high dollar fundraisers in D.C. at the Republicans-only Capitol Hill Club.

The word is out. Reputation counts. Denham comes through. Proper contributions? Political solutions!

Jeff’s a player.

In late March, Denham probably violated federal election law when he traveled on a corporate aircraft owned by a prominent west-side farming company from Fresno to the Bay Area with Karl Rove, Presidential Advisor to George W. Bush.

Rove, long overdue for serious time in the slammer, had just addressed a major Republican rally at the Fresno Convention Center. Karl should have advised Jeff about the “Honest Leadership and Open Government Act” George signed in September of 2007 making it illegal for House candidates to fly on corporate jets.

But this is nickel and dime stuff.

If there was a shred of doubt in anyone’s mind that sinister forces are at work in the world, one only needs to review the appalling “Remembering the Brave” Campaign launched in support of then California State Senator Denham with an extensive paid schedule dominating our mountain airwaves on every major Fresno TV station in days leading up to the June 8th Primary. Over $150,000 in funds were spent as we witnessed Jeff Denham climbing to long sought Congressional heights on the backs of the bereaved. Veterans’ groups were justifiably in an uproar. Why didn’t all that money just go to the cause?

And how often will we again, time after time, bribe (“contribution”) after bribe (“donation”), see our darkest suspicions blatantly verified by the conduct of elected officials displaying total disregard for true honor, proper respect and common decency. Family values — discounted to dust.

Pound that golden gavel, Goofy.

2 Responses to ““Goofy’s Golden Gavel””

  1. jonsinton Says:

    Great stuff, Peter!

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